


Driver's Education

by Missy



Category: Laverne & Shirley (TV)
Genre: Chair Sex, F/M, Getting Serious, Going Steady, Humor, Making Out, Praise Kink, Religion, Romance, Secret Relationship, Telling the Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:46:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24138328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: Lenny and Laverne's secret relationship makes it to the "going steady" stage.  That means it's time to start telling people.God help them...Another part of the Praise Kink Universe, and following "Rain Check."
Relationships: Laverne DeFazio/Lenny Kosnowski
Comments: 20
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Futsin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Futsin/gifts).



> Part of the Praise Kink Universe, following "Backseat Driver" and "Rain Check."

“Please let me teach you how to drive,” Lenny said, as he unlocked the passenger side door for Laverne and she climbed inside of his truck. It was Sunday morning, and they’d gone to mass together, which wasn’t exactly conductive to a nice, quiet makeout session. The service was honestly an excuse to spend time together, even if they had to spend it with her father wedged between them like a foreboding brick wall. “You almost killed me Saturday!”

She gave him one of her looks. “Len, it ain’t my fault that Shirl didn’t tell me to step off the peaches when I’m supposed to make a turn! I lost control of my corn.” She kicked the underside of the dash. “Stupid corn.”

Lenny raised an eyebrow and looked at the woman he loved for a very long time. “Your new car’s got peaches and corn in it?”

“No, it’s…forget I said anything,” she growled. “Sure, you can teach me how to drive.” 

Laverne pouted and stared at the dash of the truck. This was, he had come to understand, bad news. “Okay,” he said. Then he heaved a sigh. “I’m sorry I said you were chicken.”

“I’m sorry I laughed at you for saying you were afraid of elevators,” Laverne said.

“S’OK.” He leaned a little closer. “I’ll even tell you a little secret.”

“What?”

“I’m scared of something weirder.”

“What?” she asked.

He flushed and mumbled out the confession under his breath. 

She tilted her head. “Did you say you’re afraid of linoleum?” 

“Maybe,” he said to his knees. 

She burst out into laughter, and even though it was fair, Lenny pouted at her. “Aww, come on, Len,” she said, using her best, most wheedling tone. “I don’t mean anything by it.” Then she put her head on his shoulder. “Don’t you got something nice to say to me?”

“Yeah. I missed you,” he said, kissing her lips. “I’m crazy about you.” Then he kissed her neck. “I love you.” Then he sat back. “What about you?”

“I love you,” she said, kissing his jaw. “I missed you.” She deliberately started kissing the right side of his neck, until his mouth dropped open and his eyes closed and his hand instinctively found the side of her left breast.

Sanity returned when the bells above them began to peal. “Laverne!” he gasped. “We’re in the church parking lot!”

“Yeah, but we ain’t in church,” she pointed out, and tugged on his black tie. “That means it’s not a sin, right?”

“Yeah, but I’m already working off twelve rosaries and an act of contrition after what I told Father Gucci this morning.” 

She raised an eyebrow. “He only gave me five for the premarital sin stuff. Whatt’d you get?”

“Uh, I told him about the pre-sin lust stuff. And some other things.” His eyes darted. “Y’know I ain’t been in since I was eighteen. Things build up, Laverne.”

“Aww,” she said, and planted her head on his shoulder.

“He just said “Leonard, Leonard, Leonard a lot while I was talking.” Lenny shrugged. “I think he knew I wasn’t sorry. And I ain’t sorry.”

Laverne nodded. “Yeah, me neither. But God knows we love each other, so.” 

“Yeah…” Lenny said. When she snuggled up to him like that his vow to tell no one, to act like nothing was happening between them, became even harder to keep. 

He’d been thinking a lot lately about settling down with her – wondering if she’d keep his Teamster’s ring around her neck. It was the only thing of any value he actually owned - besides the hundred and forty five bucks he was keeping in the freezer wrapped in a sock that not even Squiggy knew about, but that was for the future, for a different reason, one he’d tell her about later. 

Much later on - if she said yes and Shirley didn’t ask any questions - he’d scare up the courage to ask his Pop for his great, great, great, great grandma’s ring – the one she’d smuggled out of Poland as collateral when the Kosnowskis had been removed from the country in disgrace, along with a diamond-and-platinum necklace. Even during the worst of times, when they were so poor Lenny had been forced to get his lunch money from the state and they’d been living with his sister in a one-room tenement – his father had clung to the ring, to the royal papers that proved they were more than the world thought they were. His sister had taken the necklace when she was married, and Lenny hoped his dad would part with the ring were he to have the guts to propose to Laverne.

For Lenny knew that he wanted one thing at heart. He wanted this woman. He wanted to be married to her, give her babies, watch her grow wrinkled and see her hair go grey. He couldn’t envision life without her, and he definitely couldn’t imagine being with another girl. Somehow they were going to have to figure out how to tell their best friends and her family about it, and that was something he still wasn’t sure how to do. But he’d do anything he had to do to keep her. Even take his shoes off every time he showered, weird custom though that was.

Pft. Some Lone Wolf he was.

She ran her fingertips over the shoulder of his camelhair suitcoat. Lenny couldn’t help but wonder what she was thinking. “Len?” she mumbled.

“Yeah?” he asked.

“Wanna go get lunch? We can grab some shakes and a burger in that new diner by the plant.” They’d been avoiding the Pizza Bowl during their courtship, which even Lenny knew was a sensible choice. 

“Sure,” he said. She slipped away from him to buckle in, and he tried to remember where the diner was.

*** 

They ended up finding the place without too many false starts. By the time the noon bell struck, they both had their burgers and fries, and thick shakes (chocolate for them both). They chatted and laughed and talked about anything and everything, all of the things they couldn’t share when Squiggy and Shirley were there. But in front of these strangers they were a couple, on a date.

Lenny could feel the weight of his ring in his pocket. Whenever she’d smile at him, or feed him a French fry, he could feel it getting heavier.

 _Ask her!_ his brain screamed at him. _AskherAskHerASKHER **ASKHER!**_

“So uh…” he fiddled with his straw, played with the end of it. “How do you feel about jewelry?”

It was a stupid question, though he didn’t realize it until she wrinkled her brow at him in confusion. Then her eyes went wide. “Oh no! Len, we’ve been seeing each other for two months. We ain’t told anyone – not even my Pop – and…”

“Not that!” he promised, his hand flying to his chest. “Uh well – not that yet.” The corner of her mouth turned up. “I was wondering if you’d uh…take my Teamster’s ring off of me?”

Laverne watched his eyes for just a minute, as if she were trying to gauge how serious this was for him. “Are you asking me to go steady?”

“You kinda made me promise to never let another girl touch me, Laverne,” He leaned his elbow against the counter and gave her a knowing look. “We’re already going steady. This just makes it fishy.”

She patted his knee, stroked his thigh, and seemed to remember they were in public and took his hand instead. “Yeah. But Len, your ring - that’s the only thing you got in the world besides your guitar, your clothes and Jeffrey!”

He raised an eyebrow. “If you want my clothes, you can take ‘em.” She could take them off, but he wasn’t going to tell her the obvious, but while he’d share Jeffrey, he wouldn’t give the iguana to anyone, not even Squiggy.

“No,” she sighed. “I dunno how I could hide that from Shirley.”

“You got a chain?” she nodded. 

"Wearing one."

“Then put it on and wear it under your blouse.” He deliberately avoided biting his palm when he used the word ‘blouse’, just to prove to her he was a grown-up and could handle this like one.

“Len, I dress in front of her every morning! She’ll find it.”

“So…maybe we should let her find it.”

“Lenny!”

“You know I don’t care what the world thinks.”

She melted visibly. “Ugh,” she muttered, and leaned over to kiss his lips. “Gonna have to tell people, aren’t we?”

“Yeah,” he said, between kisses. “You know I ain’t ashamed. I don’t think it’ll be scary. I mean, I think Squig’ll be thrilled. Shirl, on the other hand…”

She patted his shoulder. “I’ll protect you.”

“I dunno. She can punch real hard,” he said. He admired Laverne for her toughness, but Shirley was tough and not in love with him; ergo, very very scary.

“I can punch harder,” Laverne said. Then she kissed Lenny’s cheek. “So,” she held out her hand and he reached into the front pocket of his suit. She reached to get it on herself, but he spun her backward, so he could do it for her. She was already wearing a chain, so Lenny had to work with the fiddly claw closure to get it open and slide his ring into place on it. The slimness of his fingers meant that it also slipped easily onto her chain, without too much fear that it would come loose.

And thus he had made his mark on her, just as she had branded him with one of her L’s a year and a half before. If he was being truthful with himself, she’d done that years ago, the day she walked into their first grade classroom, still pouty and defiant after her mom’s death, and looked at him like he was an alien creature – but had come to his defense again and again when he’d been bullied by someone else.

Her eyes were softer than that, now, looking up at him over her shoulder. “I’ll never take it off,” Laverne said, and craned upward to kiss his jaw. 

“Don’t bring it in the shower, it’ll rust,” he said. But maybe it was made of steel? Lenny hadn’t checked when he’d bought it.

“It’s not coming off,” she said firmly. “I dunno how I’m gonna explain this to anyone, but I won’t.” She leaned into his chest, her palm patting the ring. 

“Well,” a merry voice came from the doorway, “you could both start with me.”

They both spun their stool in the direction of the voice and saw their new landlady – and Laverne’s father’s newest squeeze – Edna Babbish, standing in the diner’s doorway and watching them with amusement in her eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

This wasn’t the way Laverne had planned on telling Edna about Lenny. Telling Edna meant telling her Pop, which meant listening to a twenty minute lecture about how Lenny wasn’t Italian enough for his little muffin, that he had no job and no future and no plans for either. After all of the guys she’d dated who were barely acceptable – the rowdy sailors, the bad boy bikers - one would think her father would be happy with the fact that she was settling down. But Laverne knew and loved her father in equal measures. She understood that what he wanted for her wasn’t what she wanted for herself.

Then again, her father knew Lenny’s bad qualities. To her Pop, he was the little boy who’d painted a mustache on her cat, the teenager who had birddogged his daughter, and the guy who welched on his Pizza Bowl tab. 

He didn’t notice the guy who fed strays in the alley, or the guy who brought her dinner when she felt low, or the guy who did her favors around the place – albeit with some small compensation. 

Laverne hated feeling judged by her father. SHE wasn’t the one who’d had a long relationship with one of Laverne’s neighbors, only to leave her in favor of Edna. Yet Laverne really liked Edna, and had begun to trust her and feel able to confide in her, but the fact that she was dating her father only made things awkward.

“Uh…hi, Edna?” she said nervously, and tugged at the hem of her skirt. Had they rucked it up while they’d been kissing? She tended to completely lose her head when Lenny touched her. Lenny himself had sat up straight and true in his seat, trying to look even more grown up than he’d ever looked in his life.

“Hello,” Edna smiled. “Did Shirley lock you out of the building again, Laverne?”

“Oh no, no…” She looked into Lenny’s desperate eyes and finally said, “This is a date.”

“Oh!” Edna said. Her amused eyes darted between the two of them. “Well. It’s about time.”

Lenny cringed, and Laverne gaped at the woman. “Waddya mean, about time?” She’d felt completely blindsided by her romance with Lenny; the sex, which she had wanted desperately, though not necessarily with Lenny, had been such a surprise that she hadn’t had time to really think out what they’d done before she was fucking him in his apartment.

But it was more than that, and she knew it, absolutely knew it. It wasn’t just sex that left her breathless and giddy, thinking about what the next day would bring. It wasn’t lust that kept shapeshifting her heart, her soul, every time she looked at him. 

The sex had been a nice addition to the mix, though. They’d done it in other places since – the truck mostly, though neither of them had the courage to breech the sanctity of her bedroom with Shirley. And they’d made out in the breakroom at work, and on a park bench late at night. In phone booths and under cars, as he’d written in “Starcrossed.” But even with all of that sex in the air, it was weird to think that anyone else had looked at the two of them and noticed something brewing.

“I’ve only known you both for a year,” Edna said, “but the attraction is pretty clear. If a fella isn’t interested in you, he doesn’t hold the door open for you.”

“Uh…” Laverne squirmed a little. Had he done that for her? A few time, she supposed.

“And they don’t sit there and hang on every single word you say.”

Lenny had always listened to her stories, though most of the time he’d let his mind wander, not seeming to get what she’d been on about. But no, come to think of it – he’d absorbed details and remembered what she wanted, what she needed. “Um…” she said.

“How long’s this been going on?” Edna wondered.

Lenny looked like he wanted to be excused from the discussion. “Two months,” he said sheepishly.

“And that explains why you haven’t been at the Pizza Bowl lately,” Edna sighed. “At least you can tell Frank about this soon and we can have extra help around the place again.”

Lenny’s face was comical. “Uh…” he said helplessly.

“We weren’t planning on telling Pop for awhile,” Laverne said. She tried to keep the whiny tone out of her voice but she couldn’t really succeed in doing it. “Just so we have enough time to figure out how to say what we want to say,” she said quickly.

“All right. Well, are you happy?”

“Yes!” they said, Lenny bobbing his head enthusiastically beside her. He looked enough like a jack in the box to make her slap her hand down on his knee.

“Are you using protection?”Edna asked.

Lenny was beet red, and he nearly slithered off of the stool upon which he’d been seated. “Oh yeah! Yeah, we’ve got plenty of uh…” Laverne trailed off.

“Condoms?” Edna asked baldfacedly.

“Those!” Laverne said quickly.

“Good,” said Edna. “There are limits to friendship, and covering for you if you get in trouble isn’t one of them. Secrets like those have a way of showing themselves up, anyway. And if you were, wouldn’t you…?”

“Yeah, I would. Thanks, Edna,” Laverne said warmly. She stood up and hugged this woman who was rapidly becoming a mother figure to her.

“Can we buy you some chicken fingies for your troubles?” Lenny asked. Neither of them had much money left, but Laverne thought they could pool it.

“Oh, don’t go to the trouble,” she said. Sitting at the next stool over, she ordered her own lunch. “But I do want to know one thing.”

“What?” 

“How did this happen?”

As they finished their lunches – and Edna got through hers – Laverne managed to put together some sanitized version of how she and Lenny had ended up romantically linked. She left out the part where she grabbed his crotch by mistake and figured out nice words turned him on. And she definitely didn’t tell Edna a thing about how Lenny had eaten her out on the girls’ couch and Laverne had followed him upstairs and how she’d subsequently lost her virginity on his mattress during a thunderstorm. But it was easy enough to keep in the sweet, romantic stuff – like him giving her a ride home in the rain. Like the fact that he’d admitted he loved her just as the storm was clearing. The fact that she’d said it back but had demanded his silence because neither of them quite understood what they were doing.

Lenny kept his mouth occupied with French fries, probably because it would also keep him from interrupting her with the truth. 

She knew he hated lying, but sometimes a lie was the safest course of action.

Once the meal was over, they drove collectively back to Knapp Street in the work truck, then headed inside. Laverne made the instinctive turn to head down the basement steps and felt Lenny tug on her elbow. 

“Hey. Wanna come upstairs?” he asked.

“Len, what about…” 

“Squig’s supposed to be with his mother this afternoon. She said something about fixing him up with a cousin when we went over for pierogis the other day.”

Laverne frowned. “Why didn’t you tell me? I woulda prayed for him.”

Lenny snorted. “’C’mon. We can hang out and listen to the new Everly Brothers single.”

“You got that?”

“Yeah,” he said.

She sighed and spun on her heel. Shirley would start worrying if she saw Edna, or went to the Pizza Bowl and realized that Frank had come back from the service without Lenny and Laverne.

She knew, and yet she took his hand and went upstairs.


	3. Chapter 3

Lenny actually hadn’t set out to seduce Laverne – cross his heart – that afternoon. He just wanted to spend time with her, and with Squiggy going toe to toe with his battleaxe of a mom Len knew that the next few hours would be difficult. Especially because Edna knew, and Edna knowing meant that they had to be doubly careful.

So he pulled a couple of Pepsis out of the fridge and put the record on the hi fi. They sat down together on Squiggy’s bunk and let the music wash over them.

“This is nice,” Laverne said. She toed off one of her shoes and winced as her stocking’d foot hit something sticky. “I don’t wanna know what I just stepped in.”

“Oh,” Lenny said. “That’s probably from the maple syrup fight me and Squig had.”

“Maple syrup fight?”

“Yeah, we put it in some water pistols and we went fifty pages at dawn!” he said cheerfully. “And I won.”

She blinked at him, the same way she always did when he’d said or done something unfathomable. “Why’d you do that?”

He blew a raspberry. “How else would you fight a waffle war?”

She shook her head and lipped the Pepsi bottle. “So do you like the song?”

“Yeah,” Lenny said. “It’s all pretty and soft.” Maybe it would become their song someday, with its lyrics about sweet devotion, but he wanted to write something that was all hers. He figured Laverne wouldn’t mind – she’d liked his singing before, seemed to find most of the stuff he did with the Squigtones tolerable.

While the two brothers sang on his record player about hopeless devotion, Laverne sipped her Pepsi and looked him right in the eyes.

“What?” Lenny asked. Maybe he was drooling again. That happened sometimes when his mind wandered. 

“You look real cute in the sunlight,” Laverne said. 

He tilted his head at her. “Laverne!” Squiggy could be home at any moment, and with Lenny’s luck he’d probably burst in on them mid-rodeo-do-do. 

“I can’t call my boyfriend a cutie?” Now she was teasing him. She put her Pepsi on the floor and he cool hand on his thigh. Lenny couldn’t feel the chill through his suit pants but gasped in surprise at her touch. 

“Call me whatever you want,” he groaned. Turning toward her, he shoved the bottle of Pepsi between the bedframe and the mattress – a treat for Squig. His cold hand splayed out across the middle of her back, and he pulled Laverne close.

She was in control of the kiss, and he found himself parting his lips to let her tongue into his mouth. The makeout turned serious quickly enough. One of her hands spread out over his chest, and his own fingers rubbed up and down her back, gently. The territory was familiar, but Lenny wasn’t making a move yet. 

Seducing her the previous week had been the bravest gesture he’d ever made in his entire life, completely out of tune with the sheepish fear that tended to rule his existence. Lenny had been waiting the whole time for her to fight him off, or punch him in the face, but she hadn’t stopped him. Instead, she’d come to his apartment and given herself to him, and he’d given himself to her and it had been sweet and beautiful and awkward and lovely. He’d meant every little word of praise he’d given her, not just because it turned her on but because he adored her.

The record finished spinning and she ended their kiss. Lenny was ready to offer to put on something fresh when Laverne reached for the rayon tie holding her silky peach-colored blouse closed. 

“Hey, we don’t have to…” She shimmied the blouse open, unbuttoning it and pulling it from the hem of her dark skirt. Apparently deciding not to risk throwing it on the floor, she tossed it on the card table instead. 

Lenny reached over to unclasp her bra – he’d been practicing extra hard with the watermelon he’d bought all week, at least until Squiggy had chopped it up and eaten the whole thing without asking him first - but he didn’t fight Laverne when she reached behind herself and unsnapped it with one quick gesture. She rolled the straps down and off her arms, and then tossed it across the space between them and onto the table.

Lenny openly gaped at her tits. He couldn’t help it; no matter how many times he saw her without her top on, he’d never be able to get over the fact that this was Laverne, his favorite fantasy, sitting there next to him, waiting for him to touch her.

She gave him a little crooked smile. “Len, you had them in your mouth last week.”

“Yeah, but I still ain’t used to them being all _there_ ,” he said. 

“Well,” she said. “Maybe I should even things out a little huh? Make you feel less shy?” She reached for the buttons on his shirt and started to slip them loose, tugging the tails up out of his good church pants. Then Laverne skimmed the teeshirt down his arms. Lenny squirmed out of the restraining clothing, then Laverne started tugging on his undershirt. Which made him realize something as she nearly squashed his windpipe with the gesture.

“Tie!” he squeaked out. 

“Oh!” Laverne snorted, and quickly undid his knot. He raised his arms obediently for her when she slid the teeshirt off, then she straddled his knees on the bunk and kissed him, pressing them together from She took everything she’d stripped from him and tossed it up onto his bed, then straddled Lenny’s knees and slipped two fingers under his chin, tilting his face upward for a kiss. 

“I ever tell you how sexy it is when you get so sensitive?” he teased, gently flicking a thumb over one of her nipples.

Laverne shivered, but recovered quickly. “I ain’t the only one who’s sensitive,” she echoed, grinding herself against the growing bulge in his pants.

Lenny’s head fell back until it collided with the top bunk. “You’re bad. But I love bad,” he said.

She snorted. “I ain’t bad, I’m just..hungry.”

“But we just had lunch…oh!” she kissed the side of his neck.

“And there you are in your nice church pants with a nice…” she ground herself against him again and moaned, legs scissoring high around his waist. This time she began to ride him with a rocking motion, and he could almost feel the heat of her between their bodies.

Lenny leaned forward into her, burying his face between her breasts, closing his eyes and trying not to blow his wad. The up-and-down motion rubbed their torsos together, allowing her nipples to be stimulated by his chest hair, allowing him to in turn feel the silky brush of them against him. 

It was all wonderful, perfect, and then way too dangerous. “Let me get my pants off,” he whined, pushing her gently to the side and onto Squiggy’s bunk, then standing up.

Laverne took the time to unbuckle her own skirt and get it off. She snorted. “Len, there’s no way you can be all the way…” He got his good church pants off and – noticing her appreciative glances as she unbuckled her nice formal skirt – shimmied his boxers down and off with a sigh. His cock twitched out in the open air, fully erect. He glanced at her and she was watching him, one eyebrow up. It occurred to him way too late that he should’ve taken his saddle shoes and argyle socks off first.

“Okay, so you can,” she remarked.

When he glanced back at her she had her pencil skirt off and the belt with it, and was sitting there in a pair of perfectly innocent white panties with opaque stockings. 

Lenny’s mouth went dry – his hips jerked. He bit his palm and he lunged at her. 

She stood up in her stocking feet and her panties, dodging him, and he eyeballed her back, standing guard next to her. She got off the bunk and they met – two steps to the center of the room – his tongue in her mouth and his hands flowering out upon her back. When Laverne gently shoved Lenny away, he automatically tried to follow her with his mouth and his tongue, but Laverne staved him off with her palm.

“Wait a minute, Romeo,” she said, dodging him. Laverne got up and went over to the card table, grabbing one of the white wooden chairs the boys had bought at a recent flea market. 

He raised an eyebrow and, well, stood there, trusting her but unsure of what she could possibly be trying to do. Then she grabbed one of the white, wooden chairs from their card table and dragged it toward the wall, near the dumbwaiter. Laverne promptly sat down and slipped her panties down her thighs, quickly pressing them closed before sprawling them out. “Don’t have to worry about messing up Squiggy’s bunk this way,” she said. “And we won’t have to drag your mattress down either.” Laverne then relaxed back into the chair and stripped her panties off her feet. She grinned at him, clearly amused by the expression on his face, and Lenny immediately realized she had considered pitching her modest-compared-to-the-bright-green-Tuesday-panties-which-were-still-in-his-dresser-draw-white Sunday panties in his face. Instead, she put them on the relative safety of the dumbwaiter’s ledge and waited for him in nothing but her stockings.

She parted her legs, then, causing the dark pink folds between her legs to bloom outward, revealing to Lenny the wonders he’d only witnessed a few times so far, but wonders he fully intended to memorize. She was wet already, the surprisingly delicate place between her legs alive and blossomed with lust, wetness dripping down the divide and to the chair, her clit swollen and peeping out from the dark nest of her pubic hair.

He stood there frozen in place, staring at her. At last, the woman he adored spoke.

“You waiting for a bus, Len?”

He bit his palm again. Really, what else could he do?

She snorted. “You like my idea?”

He walked right over to her and sank down between her spread knees, kissing her lips as a form of answer. Laverne sighed, her fingers tangling right up in his hair. 

“Swell idea. Perfect. I love a girl with a dirty mind,” Lenny said, when the kiss broke. Laverne just snorted and leaned up into his mouth, his touch. Lenny was already sliding his lips down from her mouth to her jaw and along the line of her neck. He wanted to take his time this time, but they didn’t have a ton of it – Squig might burst in at any moment. Knowing him, it would be at the most inopportune time possible. So Lenny sped along, spending time sucking her nipples until they turned rock hard, the dark brown tips firm and insistent against his mouth. When he rushed his teeth carefully against them she gasped and her hips juttered upward. He stroked her belly with his left hand and let it tickle downward, over soft skin and toward her navel. He didn’t need to ask questions to know that Laverne would be wet for him after what he’d just seen, but he was tentative with her anyway, his fingers combing gently through her pubic hair before tickling her thighs open again. 

Experience meant that Lenny knew how to find her clit with ease, and he pulled his fingers away, licked them before very carefully penetrating her with his middle finger.

Being with Laverne had brought two revelations to light for Lenny - that his hands were very big and that some girls had very tight pussies. Either way, they were not bottomless pits, and some girls really didn’t like super deep digital penetration. He would’ve had to be crazy to complain about a single part of Laverne’s anatomy (he was frankly and wholly in love with all of her), but he wanted to be careful – the idea of hurting her in any way was anathema to his idea of pleasure. But her body made up for the difference with abundant lubrication - Laverne was soaking wet, and by the time he added a second finger her pelvis was tilted upward, ready, riding up into his thrusts. He kept his mouth busy on her breasts while she tried to muffle her groans with her hand and used his fingers to get off against, growing wetter with his every move. When she started to grunt – low in her throat, deep and soft - Lenny used his palm to full advantage, pressing the heel of it against her clit and rocking his palm there, stimulating her whole clitoral area without stroking the sensitive organ itself.

“So wet,” he praised her.

She shivered at the compliment but frowned and opened her eyes. “I ain’t too wet, am I?”

He stopped all motion. “There ain’t no such thing as too wet when you’re doing something like this, Laverne.”

She tilted her head at him. “But I’m all messy and I sound like…”

“Like a hot girl who’s gonna cream for me. Favorite sound in the world.” Laverne normally didn’t care about being messy – this was why he adored her – so he knew she was worried that he didn’t find her sexy. Which was the most ludicrous notion he could conjure to mind. He kissed her until she relaxed back into the chair, and then got to work again.

He knew by now all of the signals that she was getting close: the way her belly flexed; the way her hips transitioned from hard jounces to smooth, ocean wave-like rolling. How her cheeks took on a higher blush, and the way her inner muscles squeezed down around his fingers whenever he sucked on her nipple. Lenny sunk his fingers all the way inside of Laverne and rotated his palm against her firmly, until her strong thighs went stiff and her feet planted firmly against the floor. When she went over the edge it was with a loud moan, her strong thighs clasping his hand tight and refusing to release it as she trembled against the chair. 

Lenny watched her come, unable to disguise the hunger in his body – trying to decide what part of her to watch first as she writhed against his touch. When her hips fell back against the chair and her head fell forward, completely, he carefully slid his fingers free.

And licked them. 

“Y’ok, Laverne?” he asked with a full mouth.

She nodded. “Whew.” A couple more deep breaths and she sat up against the chair. “That was…a lot.”

He nodded. “I love it when you go over like that.”

Laverne watched him lick his fingers and sighed. As always, her energy returned in a microsecond. “OK, your turn.”

“Me? I…” She reached for his hand and he helped her from the chair, only to find himself in her place, and being soundly kissed. 

“You’re so soft,” he heard her murmur, as her fingers spider-walked up his ribcage and gave him goosebumps. 

“Soft?!” He snorted, and curved his hips up toward her. Laverne – who had been standing bending over him – shivered when the tip of his dick brushed her belly. 

“Your skin, Len,” she replied. He didn’t know if he liked her calling him soft even that way, but she coupled it with a trail of kisses pressed to his jawline. She stroked him with her palms and teasy fingertips – everywhere but his dick. “It’s so nice and warm and soft.”

He got goosebumps the second her fingertips started tickling at him, but Lenny resisted the urge to rise and fall into her grip. “What else?”

“Your lips…”

“They’re girly.” He was well aware that they were softer than he’d like them to be.

“You nuts? Mm. All the more to nibble,” Laverne said. And then she applied her white teeth to the side of Lenny’s neck – gently leaving behind love bites that left nary a scratch on his porcelain skin. That was evil, and he wasn’t ready for the impact at all, so he jerked as if he’d been electrocuted.

She played with his nipples in the same manner he’d played with hers, and pleasure arrowed through Lenny’s body, darting over like little crackles of lightning. She stroked his belly and tickled his sides, tracking his liver spots, the trail of dark blond hair leading down from his navel to his cock. She seemed to want to touch all of him today. Well, that was fine with Lenny.

Before she finally circled his cock with her fingers, she licked her palm. The next thing Lenny heard was her voice right by his ear. “And you said girls can’t spit.”

“That ain’t spitting,” Lenny pointed out reasonably, only to be squeezed tight with those strong bottlecapping fingertips. He squeaked, and his hips bucked into the motion of her hand, the gentle glide of her all around him, again and again.

“You sure?”

“Okay. I was…” his eyes crossed and rolled and pressed tightly closed. “Wrong, about that.”

She kissed his cheek and he turned into her touch, until their lips brushed. In response, she tugged on him more gently than he ever touched himself, and soon Lenny surrendered to the motion, his hips canting into her gesture. It was a wonderful, ecstatic torture.

Then he heard her speaking to him, and – desperately – focused on the words. “Did you buy more rubbers?” Laverne asked.

His eyes opened and he nodded. “They’re in the refrigerator, under the sock and next to my good shirt.”

Laverne opened her eyes and blinked down at him, then shook her head. Laverne then left him there alone in the chair for a second to get the tin out.

It didn’t take much fishing to find them. He saw her check the brand over while she worked to get the package open. “I don’t think you have to keep ‘em in there, Len,” Laverne observed, carrying the little white tin back to the chair. He ogled her shamelessly as she did so, enjoying the gentle bounce of her soft breasts, the shift of the shadow between her legs the look of concentration on her face.

Lenny frowned. “Don’t that keep ‘em fresher?” She tore open the tape and handed the container to Lenny.

“I’m pretty sure it don’t work like that, Len.”

“Oh,” he said. It wasn’t as if he’d had much experience with keeping or hiding them, after all, and especially at keeping secrets from Squiggy. That remembered, Lenny warmed the rubber in his hand for a second before he rolled it down his hard-on slowly, concentrating on the task, making sure that the lubricated side was out, that he hadn’t torn it rolling it down, that the tip was where it needed to be. He sat back with a satisfied smile at last, watching his cock bob eagerly in the open air, the tin of rubbers discarded on the ledge of the dumbwaiter with her panties.

“Ready?” Laverne asked. She’d been watching him the whole time, propped against the wall, one of her elbows extended, her right hand between her legs and stroking occasionally to keep the proverbial homefires burning.

Lenny nodded, swallowing hard once – at the picture she made and at the thought of what they were going to do together. “Yeah,” he said softly.

She walked over to him, her hips swaying gently, and he continued to ogle outrageously at the beautiful picture she made when she straddled his thighs in the chair. Laverne smiled one of those wicked smiles – the kind he’d only seen Bettie Page flash between the covers of one of his pin up magazines before. Then she took him by the wrists and pinned them very lightly over his head with her right hand before kissing Lenny like she meant it. In the middle of that kiss she reached down between them and guided him between the silkiness of her lips, then squatted down over and around him, taking Lenny inside of her, until they met groin to groin and he was inside of her. Laverne settled on his lap with a gusty sigh and squirmed slightly as she adjusted to the feeling of him again, sending nervy shivers through Lenny’s body.

He groaned into her mouth – low, desperate, soft. She’d always had him where she wanted him, and this was just more evidence of what he’d always known about himself, about her. So when long legs surrounded his own, pinned him lightly to the chair, flat on the floor at either side, Lenny didn’t fight it. Laverne sat back, her green eyes holding his gaze, and she rocked on him delicately, trying to get a proper feel for the position. 

“So full,” she muttered, and that was better than being told how big he was, how tall.

He moaned into her mouth as she rocked on him – first back-and-forth, then a regular up and down motion. It felt so good that he didn’t fight his way out of her clasping grip, though his hips shuddered and instinctively thrust upward occasionally, making her gasp into his mouth, the fingers around his wrists flex and tighten. 

Lenny wanted to do everything at once – to kiss her soft mouth, her even softer breasts, to suck on her hard, thick brown nipples, to watch his ring bounce between them, to watch himself reappear and disapper from between her legs. But mostly he stared into Laverne’s face and watched her expression shift from playful joy to intense focus to what he would normally register as severe pain. She was flying free, and it melted his heart and made him hard all at once. He knew he wasn’t hurting her – she was driving herself up and down on him too fiercely, groaning too deeply, twitching and squeezing around him too frequently, dripping down his cock and onto the chair so thoroughly, to be in pain. Besides, he was pretty sure if he was hurting her she’d give him a punch.

There was, however, no pain to be had that afternoon. They kissed again, and when they broke apart her head fell back, her groans vibrating his skin as she fell forward against his body. “You look so pretty. So, so pretty. Like a goddess,” he said. Her muscles flexed around him at the compliment and his teeth stuck into his lower lip.

“Len,” she breathed out, and then kissed him – a quick, hard kiss – before bracing her hands against the wall behind him. That relieved his own hands from her grip, and he grabbed her bottom, stroked her back, cupped a breast – overjoyed to be freed and yet using his fingertips solely to make her happy. Her groans became throatier in reaction to his attentions, and she snuck a hand between her legs to rub her clit, the other moving to brace itself against his shoulder.

He waited until she began to shake, until she could no longer control the focused motion of her hips and she cried out something that he was fairly sure was his name – syllables he couldn’t hear over the roar of his own blood in his ears. Then he grabbed her hips to hold her perfectly still and began to piston up into her, his own control long gone. Laverne’s eyes flew wide open, her nails digging into his neck. She let go, her palms flew back to the wall and pressed flat there. One of Lenny’s hands left her hip to find the ledge of the dumbwaiter and braced himself with the solid grip, and surrendered to it. Pleasure burned through his body, made him fuck up into her as hard as he could.

She made a ragged sound and he felt the regular, rhythmic squeeze of her begin. He held out and through it by a few minutes before coming, his feet stamping against the floor and his body shaking against the unmoving weight of her own.

In the aftermath, she dotted his face with kisses, pecked his lips, snuggled against the side of his neck. He turned toward her body, felt her warmth against and around him. His hands were gentle now, stroking gently where he could reach, as together they cooled down.

She sat back and regarded him quietly. “Len?” she asked.

“Argh,” he remarked, his head colliding with the wall behind him.

She patted his cheek gently. “I need big words, Len. Are you okay?”

“You’re talking to the wrong guy if you want that, Laverne.” He opened his eyes. She watched him with curiosity in her eyes. “Oh yeah,” he groaned, scaring a laugh out of her. “You?”

“Never better.”

Laverne, as always, with her athletic conditioning intact, recovered more quickly than Lenny did. Sitting up, she gave him one last goodbye kiss before getting up off of his lap. 

For a minute, he admired her progress throughout the apartment, as she began to regather her clothing into a pile. He leaned one elbow on the dumbwaiter and stayed still, until he realized he was getting too soft to keep the condom properly on, and his jizz was starting to leak out from the tip. 

“Hey, Laverne, toss me my teeshirt, will you?” 

She bent down and grabbed it, then pitched it at Lenny – he caught it quickly, then reached down and rolled the condom up and into the teeshirt, then wiped the tip of his cock on the clothing. He had the rubber tied up when he noticed she was staring at the ceiling, eyes rolling in exasperation, a look of vague nausea on her face.

“What?” he asked, chucking the teeshirt into the laundry pile and the tied-up condom into the trash pile – well, he hoped he hadn’t mixed them up again.

“Why didn’t you ask me for a towel?”

“Because,” he said, “that’d be way too rough on my dick. Besides, we don’t got clean towels.” She nodded, sucked her bottom teeth. “Whaddya want?” he asked. “Me to do the laundry?” she shook her head. “Wanna take a shower?”

She paused and frowned. “I dunno. In your bathroom?”

“Nah, in the governor’s bathroom! Waddya think I meant?” 

Laverne had apparently planned on dating him without ever going into the bathroom. But she shrugged and said, “Fine, as long as you stay close.”

This was a rare treat. Normally he was the scared one, the one who grabbed her arm and screamed during horror movies. When he escorted her into the bathroom he finally felt like Clark Gable or Cary Grant, macho and wise, the guiding force in the relationship. 

When he flicked the light on, several things skittered for purchase. One small, dark form raced out between their legs, and Laverne let out a hiked gasp. “Relax,” Lenny told her. “It’s just Robert.” He waved to the dark form as it headed out the door. “Bye, Robert! Say hi to the kids for me!” 

Laverne shook her head and began exploring the interior of the bathroom while Lenny ran the taps until he got hot, clear water out of them. “Huh, Mrs. B was right – you guys did paint the inside of the toilet bowl black!”

“Yeah! I mean, why not? Saves on maintenance,” he said. Then he pulled back the shower curtain and gestured towards the shower. “Ladies first.” 

Laverne snorted, but entered the steamy spray. Lenny followed and pulled the curtain closed. 

For a minute, she tilted back her head and enjoyed the steam. Then she said, “Do you guys even own a bar of soap?”

He let out an offended gasp. “I ain’t that dirty! There’s a bar right behind you.”

Laverne groped for the he raised an eyebrow as she held it up. “Len, why is it black?”

He rolled his eyes. “It’s Lava soap, Laverne!” 

“Oh,” she said. “Sorry.” He pouted at her in response. “Want me to make it up to you?” He cocked an ear in her direction. “Want me to wash you?”

He nodded eagerly. She started with his hair, which was something he suspected she’d long wanted to do, but it felt really nice, so he didn’t complain. She spent a long time playing with his chest hair when she finished his head, then scrubbed him firmly under his arms. That tickled, and he laughed and squirmed until she finished. Then she lathered up his belly and got a hand on his back. The kiss that followed was partially committed out of gratefulness and partially out of love.

“Want me to wash you?” he asked.

“Bet your buns,” she replied. 

He laughed. “Gotta say, it’s easier to shower with you than Squig.”

“You’ve showered with Squig?”

“Well, yeah,” Lenny said. “It saves money, like keeping your shoes on in the shower.”

She sighed. “Lenny, do you know what kinda guys keep their shoes on in the shower?”

They shrieked together as the shower curtain was ripped back by a very angry-looking Andrew Squiggman on an exclaimed ‘hello.’


	4. Chapter 4

Laverne’s speedy feet took her to the basement before she could formulate a constructive thought. Standing on the doorstep of her apartment, she realized belatedly two horrible facts – in her panic she’d left her clothing and purse upstairs, and Shirley was out for the morning helping at a rummage sale at the Protestant church on the other side of town. 

“Calm down,” she told herself. A lightning bolt of memory hit her, and she quickly dug into the little potted plant of flowers outside of their door – and came up with a spare key. She unlocked the door and threw it open, bolting the thing before tentatively taking a step inside. “Shirl?” she called.

No answer. Thank God.

Laverne raced into the bathroom and rinsed her hair and body of the soap Lenny had failed to clean her of. Roughly, she wiped her skin clean with a towel, then replaced her makeup, deodorant and perfume. She checked her breath and grabbed fresh underwear – her falling-apart work bra and her Monday panties, but, she thought bitterly, no one was going to see either but Shirley. 

She had just jumped into a fresh pair of jeans when she heard a knock at the door. “Coming!” she hollered, throwing her brown sweatshirt over the jeans and shoving her feet into her sneakers. She ran to the door as she zipped the fly, and then threw it open.

Shirley was standing there, and over her shoulder peered two identical priests. 

“Hey, Father Delvecchio,” she said. “Father Gucci.” She tried to block the weirdness of the fact that the two identical priests preached at two churches for two different denominations and tilted her head at Shirley. “Why didn’t you use your key?”

Shirley still looked as daisy fresh as she had earlier that morning. “I left my purse at home so I could help carry bigger boxes. Why is your sweatshirt on backwards?” she whispered fiercely.

“Oh, I was just in a big hurry!” she said. “I was late coming back from church and well, you know how it goes, fathers…” She awkwardly crossed the floor, threw open the fridge and pretended to rummage around for refreshments while squirming around the sweatshirt to the proper side. 

Both men had averted their eyes, while Shirley’s expression showed mild annoyance. “Yes, I do,” Father Gucci said brightly. 

“Sometimes a sermon will go over time,” said Father Delvecchio, “and you can’t have Oreos when you’re still in your vestments.” 

“The fathers are here,” Shirley said quickly, “for tea. I invited them in to have some of my famous Scotcharoonie cookies.”

Laverne automatically grabbed the Tupperware filled with cookies and began to place them on Shirley’s good serving platter. “Shirl, we don’t even got instant coffee,” Laverne whispered.

Shirley laughed in response –her best fake laugh, social and brassy. “We’ll make due…I’ll make Sputnik tea!” Which wasn’t really tea at all, naturally. Laverne grabbed the cookies and took them into the living room, serving them, wondering if they had enough HoHos to get them through if Shirley had managed to turn the cookies into tiny rocks for the millionth time.

“Well, Laverne, how are your rosaries coming?” Father Gucci asked, and Laverne almost choked to death on the cookie she’d bitten into.

“Fine!” she said brightly, quickly. Shirley slammed around in the kitchen and was smiling when she came back with the mock tea. 

“The fathers thought that perhaps I could be in charge of the joint church Christmas pageant this year,” Shirley said. 

Laverne had to smile. That was Shirley’s dream – cute animals, cute kids, and some semblance of being in charge of something great. “Aww, that’s swell. Y’know, Shirl headed up the talent show at the brewery this year! She got a couple of dancing beer bottles to do the hully gully to “Rock a Hula Baby”!”

Both priests chuckled. Shirley made a face and sighed. 

“I swear, I know no one else on this planet that has less couth than you.”

“Hello!” Squiggy shouted down the dumbwaiter shaft. 

Shirley laughed nervously, and then delivered the tea to her guests. “That’s our neighbor, Andrew! He’s…a pistol,” she said.

Laverne stormed over to the dumbwaiter and pulled open the shaft. “Whaddya want?”

“Your head on a pizza platter after what you made happen up here tonight!” 

“Why? What happened? What did you do to Lenny?” she snapped.

“Nothing! Lenny ain’t here! He ran outta this place after we had a fight over your…your…soap stealing!”

“Look, Squig, I know you’re mad right now, but me and Shirl have company right now, so shut up, would you?” 

“Oh, I’ll shut up! Just let me throw a few things back at you! A couple of momentums you left behind!” 

Laverne laughed. “Me and Len did our laundry together and I guess they got mixed up…” Her eyes went wide as something lacy hit her forehead. 

She realized too late that Squiggy had thrown her panties down the shaft at her and they’d landed right over her eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

She met Lenny in the peace and quiet of Pfister Memorial Park, where he sat anxiously on a park bench eating peanuts instead of feeding them to the squirrels.

“You’re supposed to…” he shot her a miserable look. “Never mind,” she sighed. “Whatt’re we gonna do?

“I was gonna ask you that,” he said. “Squig’s mad at me for not telling him. I had to sleep in the truck last night. Is Shirley mad at you?”

“I embarrassed her in front of a bunch of priests,” Laverne said. “She told me she was praying for my soul. Her brother didn’t even get that treatment when he mooned everyone during the Christmas pageant at school.”

“Hah! I remember that. The ol’ full glow over Bethlehem…” He trailed off at Laverne’s look. “I mean, that was terrible.”

“So our best friends are mad at us,” she said. “Really mad at us. Might never talk to us ever again mad at us…”

“Nah, this is Shirl and Squig. I don’t think they’d ever cut us all the way out. We’ve just gotta do the hard thing – talk to them.”

He winced. “With words and everything?”

“Yeah, that’s what talking is,” she said, giving him a fond roll of her eyes. “It’s fair. We shoulda told them, Len. I mean, I know I told you not to tell everyone, but that’s because you like to gossip…”

“I do not!” She gave him That Look again. “Maybe I do, but you ain’t exactly Miss Innocent. Remember when you caught Carmine making out with Lucille at the Halloween party last year? Everyone knew,” he said. 

“Yeah, well, if Carmine wasn’t…never mind,” she said. “We have to take care of this.”

He nodded, getting up. “I’ll leave a note for Squig at his locker. If he don’t talk to me, he’ll have to read, and if he don’t read it he’ll spend the rest of his time wondering what I was trying to talk to him about. It’ll drive him crazy.”

“I’ll corner Shirl at the lunch table. She hates making a scene. If I do it in public she can’t yell at me and she’ll listen to everything I have to say.”

“You’re so much smarter than you look,” she said, which gave him shivery goosebumps.

“Don’t get me all worked up,” he said. “We’ll have to go to Inspiration Point, and then I’ll be late getting to work, and they’ll dock me more hours and I won’t be able to make my half of the rent and…”

She cupped the underside of his chin and made him look her in the eyes. 

Laverne and Lenny nodded firmly, exchanged a handshake – and then a kiss. 

He grinned at her. “I love you,” he said, just to say it.

“I love you, too.” There, no caveats. Just the simple words, spoken honestly.

After a minute or two, they got up together. He drove her to work, and they made it through the day. The next time they saw one another, it was outside the Pizza Bowl.

“Where’ve you been?” she asked.

“I got nervous so I stopped at the drug store for some Sen Sen,” he said. The scent of licorice wafted over them as he spoke. “Want some?” he held the little paper baggie out but she shook her head. 

“Let’s just go in there together, you and me,” she said.

He nodded. “A team.” He took her hand 

They walked through the door and turned right, to face the angry eyes of the two other people who loved them most on the planet.


	6. Chapter 6

Lenny cringed involuntarily under Squiggy and Shirley’s steady gazes. They’d never looked so _united_ before, not even when they were on the same team during charades night. 

“Hi!” he blurted out. Shirley and Squiggy glared up at him and Lenny gulped, until Laverne gently pushed her way in front of him.

“Okay,” Laverne said, taking an empty chair in front of Shirley. “No more silent treatment, no more angry faces, and no more slammed doors. We’re gonna talk this out like we’re adults.”

“We are?” Lenny asked. Laverne elbowed him and he sat down beside her. 

Laverne made sure he was sitting before she turned to her best friend. “Talk,” she demanded of Shirley. 

Shirley took a deep breath. “I’m disappointed in you, Laverne. We’ve never had big secrets before – or at least secrets that lasted as long as this one apparently has. I’m very angry that you’ve been lying to me, and I’m worried that you’re going to do something reckless with Leonard that will ruin your future. And there are two priests who refuse to step foot in our apartment ever again. My shot at the Christmas pageant is gone thanks to this disaster!” 

Shirley had practiced that speech – Laverne would recognize those clipped tones anywhere. Same sort of stuff she used to say in debate back when they shared classes at Filmore. Apparently Squiggy was supposed to immediately follow up her speech with something of his own, but he was too busy glaring holes through Laverne. Shirley smacked his elbow and he started to life.

“Huh? Oh yeah - I’m pissed off!” Squiggy said, then he jabbed an accusing fingertip in Laverne’s face. “You! You besmirched my little Lenny!”

“Besmirched?” Lenny squawked out, peering at Squiggy between his long white fingertips.

“That’s right, besmirched! On account of you popping his cherry without offering to slap a slab of wedded bliss on the table first!”

“Andrew, this wasn’t what we practiced,” Shirley said, using her best schoolmarm tone while hiding her face from the peering eyes of the others at the Pizza Bowl.

“I’m wingdinging it!” Squiggy said. “Are you gonna do the right thing and marry him, or am I gonna have to pound you ‘til you do?”

Laverne confidently reached over and slapped Squiggy right out of his seat, while Lenny sank down in his own chair, reaching down to help his best friend.

“She didn’t besmirch me!” Lenny said, dragging Squiggy back into his seat and fixing his collar. “I came pre-besmirched! And anyway, Laverne don’t got to marry me yet. We’ve barely been dating for two months.” That was, in part, a lie, and Laverne knew it. In fact, the plea for more in his eyes was honest but it made Laverne’s stomach get a little queasy with nerves. She wanted that from Lenny, and yet she was afraid to ask for it. 

“Two months?!” Shirley and Squiggy said together.

“So what! And we happen to be using protection,” Laverne said. “Neither of us are ready for kids.”

Shirley looked a little relieved at that declaration. “You,” she snapped at Lenny. “Are you going to hurt her? Cheat on her?”

“No!” he yelped. “I swear!”

“And you!” Squiggy said. “Are you gonna break his heart again? ‘Cause then I gotta buy a pair of brass knucks.”

Laverne shook her head. “Nah. I’d never hurt Len.” He shot her a syrupy look, and she felt the heat rise up the back of her neck. “I love him.” He gasped, which made a little nasal sound in the back of his throat. She’d been the one to tell him not to tell anyone that she loved him – but the point felt moot now. 

“Hey, you told me not to tell nobody!” Lenny shouted. “No fair!”

“You’re in love with that man and you’ve kept it a secret?!” Shirley blurted.

“Not from everyone!” Laverne protested. “Edna knows!” Laverne cringed, immediately regretting revealing that fact.

Shirley and Squiggy shared a quick look. “You told Mrs. Babbish before me?!” Shirley cried out.

“I had to!” Laverne said. “She caught us having lunch together on Sunday!”

“Missus Babbish knew you were sharing premarital pizza?! BEFORE YOU TOLD ME?!” Shirley squealed out.

“It was a tuna melt!” Lenny shouted.

“Hey! Hey, everyone, cram a toe in it!” Squiggy shouted. “Can’t you see? These are two young dopes in love who don’t know how to say the right words,” Squiggy said.

“And we only didn’t say anything because we know you’d both act like this.” Laverne said.

“And how’m I acting?” Squiggy wondered. “I’m the guy who’s been trying to get you together since you was in kindergarten together.”

“Like my mom! And she ran out on me,” Lenny pointed out. “So it ain’t like she’d be helping.”

Squiggy let out a snort, but glared. 

“Are you two willing to shut up and accept we’re together?” Laverne asked.

Shirley and Squiggy nodded their agreement, Squiggy more enthusiastically than Shirley.

“Good, ‘cause we’ve gotta tell my Pop soon.” Laverne said.

“Oh, he knows,” Shirley said. 

Laverne froze with her beer halfway to her lips. “What?”

Sheepishly, Shirley said, “he…might have heard Squiggy planning our speeches earlier. Apparently he left to go upstairs and call Lenny’s grandfather. He said something about organizing a dowry…” 

“I wanna die,” Laverne cried out.

“I’ll join you. Your pop got anything sharp I can cut my throat with?” Lenny asked.

“Oh, pshaw! Don’t be dramatic,” Shirley said. “We’ll help calm him down together.”

“Yeah, easier said than done there, Shirl,” Laverne groaned.

“Well, we’ve done it before!” Shirley said. Then, when she was certain Lenny wasn’t paying attention, she leaned close to Laverne and whispered, “did it…well, go well? Was it special?”

“’Course it was special. It was with him,” Laverne said. Lenny shot her a gooey look at her stomach fluttered again. She squeezed his hand under the table, and he ran his fingertips up her inner thigh.

She had to gently push him away. Now was not the time for them to indulge in sexy feelings, sadly.

Now it was time to confront her father. If they survived that they could survive anything.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interlude time!

Edna intervened on their behalf – the way she always did when things got too spiky between herself and Frank. Maybe, she suggested, they should have a cozy dinner at Laverne’s place. 

Frank smiled and broke a mop over his knee.

Which was why Lenny’s stomach was tied in an acidic knot. She’d told Lenny to wear his nicest suit. Which meant he’d donned his yellow shirt and nicest tie and bothered with a sponge bath. He also helped her cook, which was a messy and uncomfortable experience but he was trying. That was important.

“Just don’t tell me how good I am,” Lenny whispered. She just kissed his cheek. She’d praise him through the roof later on, he hoped. All they had to do was get through dinner.

One lousy dinner!


End file.
